im sorry for that because i know the first thing i'll get was a gawk in disbelief as a return.
and that was what happened when i blurted everything out.
by accident.
oh well.
i got an earful from my bitches as well.
i was on a guilt trip by then.
usually,i dont really tell my gfs who im dating with at a certain point of time.
not that i didnt trust my gfs or wanted to hide anything.
i just tend to put a little more private for only myself.
i always thought about why i havent told anyone yet and what this means.
perhaps not telling people makes it less real.
perhaps,the truth is,it's not even DEFINITE yet!
at least with this,no one could ever prove me and any of the guys i've dated were ever together.
i can also put up an act that i dont even know their existence at the first place.
it's all because i ended screwing them up or vice versa.
it's just not my thing to have commitments just yet.
i get rather impatient with men too.
i know this sounds bad but i dont know how not to carry around unresolved hurt and anger from past relationships and expect the new man to tolerate my outbursts.
and the absurdity of it all is..i expect them to be equally good as the man in my past.like norman.
i try not to be judgmental towards them but i cant help myself and that triggers the other party.
i think if i were to let them and my boy-friends read this...
i am sure that i wont hear anything from them at all for the rest of my lifetime after this.
whoooop!
okay.why am i digressing?
back to the above punya above lah kan...
i dont know how shall i put it in words.
but you know what im referring about,bitches.
(hello my crocs!*wide smile*)
you know babes,conclusion to this is...get a well-mannered MAN for me!
so anyway,i really dont mean to wreck someone's relationship.
theirs have wrecked long ago just that both feigned ignorance and they just dont want to accept the truth.both are too busy to care about that.
and me,i was a hopeless mediator.(at least i tried to!)
i ended up being a victim as well.
i dont know why i even bother to try..
but love strucks at any time without you realising.
blame on cupid!(i know this sounds stupid.)
he was the one who starts everything.
i know you might think im a dumb to fall for his sugar-coated words...
but i knew him years ago!
i know how good and how bad he is.
she changed.he doesnt like it.
true enough.it wasnt an excuse for him to be unfaithful.
but who can tolerate a proud,arrogant,disrespectful,snobbish girlfriend who barely have respects for others?
she treats him well,but not to people around her.
but it all changes.
he pointed this out too many a time but the other party denies everything.
i dont know how i ended up spending more of my time with him.
i never consider or harbour any ill intentions towards anyone.
but things just get in my way.
i am so tired and he's there.
he is such a good man.good man.
it's funny how you think that that he's the one for you because he is all that you wanted,someone that you define as 'near-perfect',is someone that you know will hurt you the most in the end and you know you can't be with him.
simply because he's not even yours to begin with.
and when you are with another someone that you don't really love,everything's not right for you,even trivial matters could lead to bigger issues.
why?
simply because you know he wont hurt you as much.but the feelings are not there when he'd done so much for you.the term appreciate just dont existed somehow.
i know the time will come.
like i've said,all this will end.
sooner or later.
with me or without.
if one day,he'll consider me as a mistake...
i know im the one they owe me thanks to!
for now,i'll let it be this way.
tables will turn and im ready for it.
i dont believed in building happiness over another person's grief.
but i believed in coincidences.
dont talk about karma to me.
a thousand times over,it's too passe.
