hot sips over gossips.

appetite for love

2012-01-08T03:12:00.002+08:00

I could see it through your eyes when you flashed a smile that could be heard. Thank you for making my day. I miss you.

comfortable silence.

2011-12-30T02:31:00.000+08:00

"Mia: Don’t you hate that?

Vincent: What?

Mia: Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?

Vincent: I don’t know. That’s a good question.

Mia: That’s when you know you found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute, and comfortably share a silence."

- Pulp Fiction, 1994

wallahu'alam bissawab.

2011-12-27T01:46:00.001+08:00

If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.

5 days.

2011-12-25T22:33:00.004+08:00

Its Christmas today. Which simply means, its 5 more days before we embark to a new year. Started typing few sentences and I'm almost in tears. How fast time flies and how 2011 brings a love-hate relationship I have towards it. Masya'Allah.

Shukran Ya Allah for the pain you gave me for it gave me more strength and knowledge, the happiness you shine upon me for it made me grateful for the life some people may not have. But nothing made me for thankful for the ability to love and wake up to a new day everyday. However it is, I am looking forward to a new year which I pray opens new and wider horizons for my life. Insya'Allah.

Claire: "It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

- Claire Morgan from the movie New Year's Eve (Starred by Hilary Swank)

I love him, I love him.... not!

2011-12-19T22:30:00.001+08:00

I felt the urge to keep him to a part of my life that no one knew about. Even then I knew that if I let him into the rest of my life I would be lost to him.

those 3 words never felt this weird.

2011-12-17T22:02:00.004+08:00

"........ and she said we were really in love."

I froze. "So you said?" I asked, nervous but not hoping in any way.

He looked up, straight at me, and my breathing slowed for that bare second because he had the strangest look in his eyes. I wanted to turn away from him to avoid that face. I couldn't.

"I said that we were."

I don't know how to feel that very moment. Euphoric? Angry? Nonchalance, maybe. Whatever.

Cause I'm learning you.

2011-12-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

"I love you," I heard him say.

"I'm learning to love you."

beautiful stranger.

2011-11-26T00:00:00.001+08:00

Its funny how a stranger can make you feel so good about yourself and made such great effort to be there for you all the time despite being pushed away. I was at the peak of giving everything up but you came to pick the pieces up with me. Perfect timing, perfect stranger. You. :)

meet me halfway.

2011-11-10T02:59:00.001+08:00

You were all alone sitting on a huge armchair in the middle of a spacious room and wanted me to be with you but I left just to be with my friends in another room. You felt neglected. I can't remember what happened next in the dream. If that is what you are really facing, let me confess that you are not trying hard enough. I'm starting to like you but its going nowhere without you initiating the rest of the steps. I don't know if I can afford to wait like life is forever.

So what happened in reality? I received a text from you the day after. I never want it to end when there isn't a beginning yet. If you are willing to chase, I promise to run slow.

Bismillahirahmanirahim.

2011-11-01T00:57:00.000+08:00

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

— Maya Angelou

blessed.

2011-10-10T22:34:00.002+08:00

Little did they know, behind every closed doors, people are coping with their problems in their own way. It's going to be 2 years since I last decided to stop depending my life on anyone especially after Dzul. What people regard us as the perfect couple did not end up the way they thought it would be. I can't believe it either. I will never forget the pain he left me with. It's weird how something so perfect can be so wrong at the same time that we have come to a point where we can’t go any farther than we had since we’ve been together on the second. As much as I didn’t see that coming, it was already the end.

Life's been great right now. Searching? Not at all. The past relationship taught me a lot of things I didn't expect to be in. They refused to believe that I'm different. As much as it grieved me, I'm proud that I am still the one out of many. Everyone forgot to fix that part, really.

1

2011-10-07T23:12:00.000+08:00

without you, today's emotions would be the scurf of yesterday's

pandora.

2011-10-02T15:36:00.000+08:00

when i see your face, the first thing i want to feel is your hand. i remembered 3 years ago when our hands fits so perfectly with each other that was when i realize the only person i want to grow old with is you.

that night when i felt your warmth and your breath, it feels different. i've been trying. i don't see us anywhere in my future. you've ruined me enough.

old is gold.

2011-07-20T02:30:00.000+08:00

Credits: Tumblr

No matter how contemporary the world can be, old is indeed gold. Sometimes I wish I have a love letter deliver right in my letterbox. It's the little things like this that I appreciate.

french.

2011-05-04T02:59:00.001+08:00

your lips tasted so divine, smelt of whiskey and sin.

noah in reality; where art thou?

2011-03-09T02:15:00.000+08:00

"She had come back into his life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into his heart. Noah stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony he knew would be his if he were to lose her twice." - The Notebook

sunshine.

2011-02-23T02:11:00.000+08:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances... you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts.

Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back.

sober.

2011-02-08T22:21:00.007+08:00

right now, i just need this certain person to tell me everything is okay. just that one person to pull me back to the ground of sanity.

and that person is somewhere out there.

reluctance.

2010-12-21T01:08:00.001+08:00

I’m weird with relationships. I think I know what I want, then I run. I think I run because I’m scared, I’m scared that I might get hurt. Or maybe I just haven’t found someone who I know is worth being hurt for.

the way we love.

2010-12-18T01:09:00.003+08:00

Let’s slow dance and be the couple everyone wishes they could be. Let’s walk in the rain and hold hands the whole time. Let’s look at the stars and kiss all night. Let’s take it slow and then speed up. Let’s take stupid pictures and laugh until we can barely breathe. Let's do something stupid and not worry about it. Let's just be us because we have each other and that's all that
matters.

Source: Film, "The Notebook" directed by Nick Cassavetes

irony.

2010-12-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

I don’t want to lose you but I don’t want to use you just to have someone by my side.

that grass is greener.

2010-12-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

Something's better on the other side. I'm sure.
And I'm feeling much better now. It's comforting to have you around.

we have something like miracle.

2010-12-08T03:34:00.001+08:00

I wish you would just show up on my doorstep. Not with anything special, just you. And when I’d open the door you’d smile and while I’m trying to figure out what the hell you’re doing here you’d tell me how hard the past months have been, how much you’ve thought about me, how much you regretted everything. And then you’d take me into your arms and ask me to forgive you and I would without hesitation. Then you’d grab my face and kiss me and everything would be perfect again.

state of emergency.

2010-12-04T03:28:00.000+08:00

It’s amazing how you realize when you lose someone, you get mad at yourself for not saying the things that you could’ve a million times. You take for granted the days spent doing nothing, when you could’ve been with them. Anyone can be taken at any time in our lives but we always wait until they’re gone to say the things we never had the courage to before.

.....

2010-12-01T15:52:00.006+08:00

I may like you, I may fancy you, I may be with you but it does not mean I love you. I may say the sweetest things, I may write the most beautiful poems, I may tell you how I feel but I cannot gurantee you I mean it. I may let you in, I may confide in you, I may open up but it is not an entry to my inner most self.

I do not love easily.

But above it all, I will stay if you want me to wait. I would learn you if I could.

I will move if you do the same and leave if you stop to care.

Stay. Move. Wait. Leave.

......................

immature, much?

2010-11-30T03:37:00.002+08:00

Hi, you are a coward. You asked my best friend questions that only I have the right to answer. Let me teach you something, the least a sane person can do is to clarify before making any assumptions or believe the third party. Fucking loser. With lots of love.

pocketful of sunshines.

2010-11-29T00:37:00.001+08:00

It’s not okay that you hurt me, but I am okay. I deserve more, and I know that now. And maybe you knew that inside, that you couldn’t give me that yet. So you set me free. We would’ve been so great, you would never have wished for more than I would’ve given you. But you never gave it a chance. So now you’ll never know what could’ve been. Maybe someday you’ll regret it, maybe someday you’ll think it was the best decision you ever made, but maybe someday you’ll see me walking, smiling and happy, alongside someone who’s also smiling and happy because he has my heart. Maybe then you’ll stop and realize what you’re missing, because someday, someone is going to thank you for letting me go…....

the almost complete piece.

2010-11-25T00:40:00.002+08:00

Of all the other-halves, you still fit the best. I still have doubts if you are that worth the cycle though. Ha.

cause i've got love, darlin'

2010-11-08T12:48:00.004+08:00

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

— Bob Marley

revelation.

2010-11-03T04:03:00.001+08:00

It's through all those rocky paths that I've become who I am today, stronger, more resilient, more independent and more courageous, eager to savour the remaining of my life in the most beneficial way I can, insyaAllah, although I pray that I won't have to go through all those path again.

déjävu

2010-11-01T00:53:00.000+08:00

Little did I expect what happened last 2 weeks was a sign to prepare myself for what's coming. That's actually enough to take me on a gloomy trip back to where it started. I thought I could get over the fact that it's all over when you are coming back staying for good which is not helping at all.

I harbor no resentment towards you anymore. I only have love and I wish the best things in the world for you. At the same time, I selfishly wish things could have ended on a different note. I am not bitter nor angry. I find no fault in the decision you made because I can only see beautiful things when I look at you and only think beautiful thoughts about you and for you.

kau, aku, siapa? you, me, who?

2010-10-21T14:12:00.002+08:00

life. hidup. perfect. sempurna. imperfections. kecacatan. happiness. kebahagiaan. hurt. keperitan. dream. khayalan. death. mati.

which is the truth?
apa yang nyata?

who discovers this truth, why?
siapa yang beri kenyataan, mengapa?

akhirat. afterlife.

tiada siapa yang tahu. nobody knows.

.

2010-10-19T13:43:00.004+08:00

So last night, his mother called me up. After a long while, I felt really happy to hear her voice. She misses me more than I know. There's nothing much that I can do right now. I don't want to be rude to her but how do I tell her to get over it? She's still hoping for me to come back but that will never happen. I want her to stop all this. The feeling's not right.

After few months, I've realize I’ve made it through half the day without thinking of him. It took me months to reach to a point when I only think about him occasionally. I manage to do this because I don’t see him around and I don’t hear about him as often anymore.

And then after all the misery, it takes just 1 person to change everything and the memories come flooding back. Fml.

two to tango.

2010-10-16T13:54:00.001+08:00

Women needs assurance. If you like them, love them, do not hesitate to tell them how you feel. They will appreciate it more than you ever know. Most women don't dare to express what they feel in their heart. If you think you have a big dick, we have an ego bigger than that. Because before you know it, she will fall for someone who will tell her what she needs to know. She needs to be appreciated as much as you men wants to be treated that way. If you appreciate her, respect her worth, she will give her whole world to you. Oh me? I will give my all.

couch potato

2010-10-15T08:46:00.004+08:00

At this moment when life is spiralling downwards nothing can bring me close to comfort. Times like this, made me wish that Dzul is here no matter how much I hate him now. I need someone to give me a hug and tell me every fucking thing is okay.

I'm staying home, sit at the corner of my room, smoke my lungs out and cry today.

spaces between your fingers - would you love me this way?

2010-10-14T02:44:00.002+08:00

The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt them anymore.....

Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die
or know that you would die without them...
it matters not.

Because once in your life,
whatever they were to the world they become everything to you.

When you look them in the eyes,
traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound,
you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart.

You love them for a million reasons, no paper would do it justice.
It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.

A feeling.
Only felt.

confession of an obscure woman

2010-10-10T01:36:00.000+08:00

Hiding most of the emotions under an impenetrable mask of nonchalance is not making things any better. How cumbersome. Me.

confession or obsession?

2010-10-07T23:12:00.001+08:00

I’m not here to save anyone; those days are over. As a friend told me recently, ‘Date the person, not the potential.’ Have a life. Have dreams. Have ambition. Most of all, have the capacity to love and believe that you deserve it in return. Be your own person. Be self-possessed. Want me, don’t need me…. I don’t want to carry you, I want to walk beside you. Be intelligent, but more importantly, the desire to learn. Be warm, not needy. This isn’t to say we don’t all go through things and sometimes need, but there’s a difference. We’re talking about exception rather than rule. In short, I want to watch you at a distance in a crowded room and know I’m the luckiest woman there.

MEREKA

2010-10-05T22:58:00.000+08:00

mereka tidak pernah yakin wujudnya aku kerana mereka tak pernah merasakannya

tidak pernah percaya ada nya aku dalam diri mereka kerana mereka tak pernah melihatnya

mereka tidak pernah bersyukur pada yang maha Esa kerana aku tidak pernah pun dilintaskan dalam fikiran mereka

tanpa aku mereka tidak mungkin hidup..

tanpa aku mereka tidak mampu bergerak..

tanpa aku mereka tidak mungkin cinta..

mereka ada lah manusia

dan aku..

adalah nafas dalam tubuh mereka

miss(ing)

2010-09-29T22:23:00.007+08:00

Note to self: I won’t feel like this forever.

Because someday someone might come into your life and love you the way you’ve always wanted. If your someday was yesterday, learn. If your someday is tomorrow, hope. If your someday is today, cherish.

It's been a year since the day it died.

fear = failure

2010-09-28T18:40:00.000+08:00

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

— Frank Herbert

self-worth

2010-09-26T01:03:00.005+08:00

I build up walls nobody can climb...

Jackie Weisberg Tobacco Warehouse, Brooklyn New York, 1998

...but what I’m really waiting for is for you to try.

numero uno

2010-09-23T08:31:00.000+08:00

At times the days seemed so long, I thought I'd never make it through,
Then suddenly, out of a dream, I have met someone like you.
I had locked up all my feelings and I'd thrown away the key,
Until your heart spoke a thousand words I knew were meant to be.
When times turned rough and lonely, and despair fell upon my face,
You comforted me and kept me safe in that loving special place.

bonnie and clyde

2010-09-11T14:05:00.001+08:00

it's me and you against the world. i want to feel this all over again.

Selawat Syifa'

2010-08-19T02:50:00.000+08:00

Something valuable that I learnt from Merah Pawana 1st workshop today;

Allahumma solli 'ala saidina Muhammad

Tibbil Qulubiwa dawa iha

Wa'afyatil aksaa diwa shifa iha

Wan'nuril absori wa jila iha

Wa'alaaa Alihi Wassabbihi Wabarik Wassalim

Source: http://www.darussyifa.org/Asas10Pertama_Iss1.php

Ramadhan 1431H.

2010-08-10T23:41:00.005+08:00

I have never felt this remorseful in my entire life. The tears are not because of a life loss or a love gone. It was my guilt towards God that made me that way. I haven't been His loyal servant nor a good one these past months but He never fails to shower me with His blessings for He is the most beneficent, the most merciful. May this Holy month strengthen our Imaan and guide us to His path towards Jannahtul Firdaus. Bismillahirahmanirrahim.

moron.

2010-08-01T17:19:00.001+08:00

Right now, when I think about what happened last night, I regret that I didn't react to your rudeness with anger, but at the moment I was so shocked that all I could do was run away and cry. I don't think I could have been more shocked by your reaction if you'd shouted at me in public. This, I've come to realize, is one of the main differences between us.

amor?

2010-07-09T13:22:00.005+08:00

i guess it's the end. i can feel it. the end of nothing? the end of something that is a step closer to the beginning but never begin in the first place?

hello bali. treat me well. treat me good.

i hope the tables will turn when im back here in 5 days.

it's either we start all over again or pretend it never existed at all.

pie.

2010-06-18T00:20:00.004+08:00

Henri Cartier Bresson Behind the Gare Saint-Lazare, 1932

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser person than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Appreciate life. Celebrate your glory. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

on joy and sorrow

2010-06-12T17:08:00.003+08:00

A woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow,

And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

On Joy and Sorrow from
The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

subconscious.

2010-04-24T01:02:00.004+08:00

I barely know you. But the first time I saw you years ago, there was something about you that was so familiar… familiar in the best way. Like we shared something. It’s weird having this feeling towards a stranger but at the same time you can feel something might just happen. It did. Have you ever see someone somewhere and felt an affinity with? That’s exactly what I felt.

Hello everyone, I’m still alive and subconsciously falling in love.
I’m back again. Maybe. Just maybe. It's been so long.

like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into my heart

2009-11-15T15:23:00.002+08:00

for the first time in a long while, I thought about you longer than just in passing and held onto the thoughts. it made me wish you were back in my life just for a day or maybe even a weekend.

Qada' & Qadar

2009-11-14T01:26:00.003+08:00

We humans are often afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.

...there's no going back, and when you cant't go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward. The rest is up to Allah.

Jochem Delhi Mosque, 2004

Meet Joe Black

2009-11-13T23:45:00.002+08:00

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say, find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense in living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

the step we take.

2009-11-01T16:13:00.003+08:00

Juliee Pryor Green Square Tunnel, 2009

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."
- Jean de La Fontaine

one day, i will.

2009-10-31T00:40:00.003+08:00

The greatest feeling in the world is to be around someone who wants to hold you, to kiss your forehead, and to be around you. Who wants to call you at night, to see you smile. But, what’s better than that is finding someone that does it all, because he wants to see you happy.

Love looks good on me.

you made halloween real.

2009-10-30T22:08:00.000+08:00

I have no patience for an insecure stranger who thinks that I am obligated to explain away her every insecurity. Especially since I have no idea who she is or what is going on in their lives.

Her boyfriend is just my past and haven't you heard? I don't lick my own spit. I clearly didn't make any move on him. Do yourself a favour and clarify everything with the people who are actually involved in this especially your own boyfriend.

I have better deals in hand and I don't need any advice from you.

Your insecurities makes you real ugly.

through the odds.

2009-10-12T02:31:00.001+08:00

Ken Van Sickle Paris, 1955

There are situations that are, in fact, legitimately challenging and then there are just annoying little hassles. You want a man who can distinguish between the two, because he'll understand how to prioritize life's obstacles.

never will.

2009-10-10T02:30:00.001+08:00

I don’t really believe in regrets. All my experiences.. even the ones that didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to, I firmly believe they were all worth it. There's answers to everything that happened. I don't have to ask why because I believe. It's just a matter of time.

For real.

2009-09-02T01:37:00.004+08:00

You don't need me. You don't need anyone.
I'm not dealing with anything. No more commitments until I get the true one that I've always prayed for.

If I'm making you confused, so be it. Stop asking. I have no answers left to give out.
In fact, I still have questions of my life left unanswered. He decided to go on and I decided to move on.

The end. For good. For the first and last.

you are still holding the key.

2009-08-22T23:55:00.004+08:00

I try to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. I am afraid you don’t want me to say anything. So I don’t. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel like, how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. How I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too… but I’ll never know.

I love you too, Dzulfikri Adam.

Ramadhan 1430.

2009-08-22T04:07:00.002+08:00

May Allah SWT be with you every step that you take,
May HE guide you with each decision you make,
May HE help you when life gets rough,
May HE lift you when you've had enough,
May HE protect you when you fall,
May HE hear you when you call,
May all your duas be accepted,
May you always be in Allah swt's loving hands.

May ALLAH swt shower his blessings upon you....
May ANGELS protect you in all that you do....
May JANNAH become your one true goal and....
May ALLAH swt have mercy on your sweet soul....

May this holy month brings us happiness, strengthen our Imaan, erase our sins and purify our heart. Salam Ramadhan to all. Syukur kerana bisa bernafas hingga tika ini untuk menikmati segala Rahmat dari-nya.

Ameen Ya Rabbal Al-Ameen.

the other one.

2009-08-19T21:36:00.000+08:00

i should understand better than i'm not the only one residing in your heart.

let it just be God and myself.

2009-08-12T00:51:00.000+08:00

Ar Al-Khulaifi Qatar, 2008

There are things that I want and certain of in life but only one person can fulfill it. There are also things that I want to eradicate and dispose out of my life and only one can do it.

I belong to no one else, but God and myself. I owe no explanation to anyone, but to God and myself. I can do anything, and only think about God and myself. This whole world belongs to God, and myself.

Tears are streaming down my face and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

The Missing Brick by Paulo Coelho

2009-08-11T14:12:00.000+08:00

Once, when I and my wife were travelling, I received a fax from my secretary.

'There's one glass brick missing for the work on the kitchen renovation,' she said. 'I'm sending you the original plan as well as the plan the builder has come up with to compensate for it.'

On the one hand, there was the design my wife had made: harmonious lines of bricks with an opening for ventilation. On the other, there was the plan drawn up to resolve the problem of the missing brick: a real jigsaw puzzle in which the glass squares were arranged in a higgledy-piggledy fashion that defied aesthetics.

'Just buy another brick,' wrote my wife. And so they did, and thus stuck to the original design.

That afternoon, I thought for a long time about what had happened; how often, for the lack of one brick, we completely distort the original plan of our lives.

by Paulo Coelho

burning out and exhausted.

2009-08-10T12:38:00.005+08:00

Ken Van Sickle Paris, 1955

"And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
- Kahlil Gibran

If you cared enough, you'd call. Unfortunately for me, I have a vagina.

May God bless the storyteller, Yasmin Ahmad. You'll be missed.

2009-07-26T21:08:00.008+08:00

From my Facebook Note:

I was fortunate enough to have met Yasmin Ahmad once. Her heart-warming films and ads never fail to touch my heart.

She won awards from all over the world but she doesn't believe in fame and living glamorously. She dares to bare her soul in all honesty for the world to see through her thought-provoking masterpieces.

She's my favourite storyteller, film-maker, an honest, kind-hearted individual. Yasmin Ahmad, may God bless your soul. I'm sure He will for all your benevolence and goodwill throughout your life. The industry has lost someone talented and one of a kind. I respect her boldness and the way she stood up for her truths and rights.

"What's makes a difference in one's masterpiece (especially arts in general like films, dance, poetry, fine arts, photography) is whether it says more than what you see, hear and feel..
If the piece speaks from the heart, it'll reach the heart and that's what's gonna matter."
- My favourite and inspiring quote from her.

By the grace of Allah who gave her the ability to write so many films and ads, may we all gain benefit from that legacy of her inspiring works she has left for us.

Ameen Ya Rabbal Al-Ameen.

My post on her 3 years ago! God granted my wishes.

Yasmin Ahmad
July 1,1958- July 25, 2009
Al-Fatihah

water runs dry.

2009-07-12T11:27:00.003+08:00

All the time I've been contented and complete with my life until something conquer my being. That one thing turn my whole life completely. It's something I shouldn't be afraid of. Why? Why should I succumb to defeat and let it control my happiness? I can't cry anymore. I'm tired of all that.

Kathy T Rays of Hope, 2008

kucintaimu tak berarti bahwa ku harus memilikimu selamanya..

2009-06-10T13:14:00.009+08:00

crushing.

2009-06-10T05:34:00.003+08:00

I reckon this guy that I just knew thinks I'm sick and having a mental disorder for giving him the cold shoulders and initiate fights without reason. Me with my ridiculous fuss. I know you are laughing right now and cursing me “bitch!” under your breath because you know I'm not usually like that. I don't know why I'm behaving that way. I promise I'll be nice next time. If only there's next time.

Daniel was online right after that and he thinks I'm sadist. I was about to defend myself until he said "I'm your ex-boyfriend and I've been with you since your teen years although we are far apart! I know you wawa so shut up!" How pleasant. We chatted and I laugh hysterically over our silly conversations until Subuh and Ibu thinks I'm possessed by the morning jin and suggested to perform my prayers first. I can't help it but feel really good at this hour. I miss the guy who made me feel that way. I miss Dzulfikri Adam.

Okay I know girlfriends, I see that face bouncing off your computer screen. Urgh.

state of mind.

2009-06-09T21:32:00.004+08:00

Bill Brandt Snicket In, 1937

There are some things which are surmountable and some that are not. Isn't it strange that what some of us perceive as difficult and impossible, others perceive it as simple or character-building, or valorous. I wonder where do these perceptions come from.

hope or wishes?

2009-06-05T17:17:00.004+08:00

Walker Evans Truck And Sign, 1930

I didn't realize how much I really miss you until we met few days ago. I wish you are not hers and I wish we can still pick up all the pieces that's been lying everywhere. All these are just against my will. I can keep on dreaming. But all I need from you is just one, I'm hoping we can be good friends like how we were back then. I miss you. I really do.

life or death?

2009-06-04T23:06:00.004+08:00

For the past months, i've witnessed a few incidents relating to death before my eyes. It all happened in an instant. I can feel that death is getting closer to me. Allah is telling me something, to be near Him. I'm sorry for not talking to you as often now. Subhanallah.

the beginning or the end?

2009-06-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

Ansel Adams Road, Nevada Desert, 1960

What we call the beginning is often the end and to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

live to die.

2009-06-02T11:13:00.000+08:00

Through toil and hardship I become great and worthy.
Death destroys a man; the idea of death saves him.

look ma, i'm a lead actress!

2009-05-29T23:15:00.009+08:00

ANISAH

What if the family you love... isn't yours?

My first attempt acting in a film. Now I know how it feels like watching yourself on the screen trying to be someone you are not. I cringe and I kept on laughing at myself. Although I didn't find my acting anywhere near amusing, a well-deserved thumbs up to the producer and director, Nasuha and Fanah that makes 'Anisah' looks perfect. One of my proudest achievements so far. I didn't expect to get this big opportunity to act in a short film. A heartiest thank you to my lecturer, Nasuha and Fanah. My praises to Allah. This is just the beginning. Insya'allah.

my destiny.

2009-05-26T18:54:00.001+08:00

If a person is living out his destiny, he knows everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure. When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved there's no need at all to understand what's happening because everything happens within you.

...

2009-05-25T12:58:00.001+08:00

I whisper to the moon, return to me
my companion, my lover, my heaven
without him, night is my companion,
loneliness holds me in its embrace,
moon, don't let day come,
let the world stay in twilight.
let it be lonely like me.

Bisikku pada bulan kembalikan
temanku, kekasihku, syurgaku,
tanpa dia malam menemaniku,
sepi memelukku.
Bulan jangan biar siang,
biar alam ini kelam,
biar ia sepi sepertiku.

eff lazy.

2009-05-20T23:45:00.003+08:00

I'm spending more time on facebook now. I can't muster the mood to write. I'm happily living my good life that I don't feel like sharing. Maybe I'm turning to be more selfish now or I just couldn't be bothered. Anyway, I'm having my holidays! The best thing that can ever happen eversince I stepped in Nafa. I look forward for the holidays although the journey to get closer to it was a major challenge. But hey, it's over now! I deserve this break although I didn't work any harder than the previous semester. But I got my first A grade! In Art History that is. As long as I'm away from stress and the childish dramas, it's enough to keep me sane. I'm lucky to have such awesome friends and nothing makes me happier than spending my time with them after so long! Thank you Lord.

Modern Western Art - Post-Impressionism

2009-05-20T14:08:00.011+08:00

Claude Monet, Sunrise 1873, Oil on canvas, 48x63 cm. Paris Musee Marmottan

Claude Monet, Women In The Garden, Oil on canvas, 205x255 cm. Musee d'Orsay, Paris

Paul Gauguin, Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?, Oil on canvas, 1879-98)

Georges Seurat, A Sunday on De La Grande Jatte, Oil on canvas, 1884-86

Paul Cezanne, The Black Clock

Vincent Van Gogh, Starry night over the Rhone, Oil on canvas, 1888

Marry your father!

2009-05-10T21:37:00.003+08:00

I hates it when my family talk about my life especially marriage and that fucking asshole!

I don't intend to fucking marry anyone any fucking soon so please spare me all those fucking ridiculous reminders!

If you think I am old enough to settle down, I am old enough to fucking think with my brains!

Ah fuck.

im not sleeping

2009-04-26T23:30:00.003+08:00

The man of my dreams sent a message on facebook.
It's a simple one but I'm floating now.

I would fly to London for you.

The Catholic and the Muslim.

2009-04-03T23:03:00.001+08:00

A wise man was talking to a Catholic priest and a young Muslim man over lunch. When the waiter came by with a tray, they helped themselves, except the Muslim, who was keeping the annual fast prescribed by the Koran.

When lunch was over, and people were leaving, one of the other guests couldn't resist saying: 'You see how fanatical these Muslims are! I'm glad to see you Catholics aren't like them.'

'But we are,' said the priest. 'He is trying to serve God just as I am. We merely follow different laws.' And he concluded: 'It's a shame that people see only the differences that separate them. If you were to look with more love, you would mainly see what we have in common, then half the world's problems would be solved.'

stranger than love.

2009-03-31T01:47:00.000+08:00

I don't need to know who you are. I don't want to know where you come from neither why you are there. Just exchanging glances and acknowledge my presence is all I need. Enough to make me happy and last my smile for a day. Hush, Stranger, hush.

That he's the one.

2009-03-29T00:18:00.000+08:00

How could he be so oblivious to my apprehension. I'm tired of waiting. And hoping.

what's working hard for?

2009-03-27T08:48:00.004+08:00

credits to: postsecret

At times you just work hard like any living person would, try your best, and live life by taking all the punches the world could give you. In the end, some of the punches thrown are just unbearable, much more devastating than you could handle with your crummy bones. You feel lonely, you feel frustrated and you feel as if, life, with everything around just betrayed every single beliefs you have.

Though, you still have to take the punches, because if you just give up, even with those crummy bones of yours, you will never be able to stand up again. The world will eventually turn it's back on you and you can hear jeering everywhere. The sound is as loud as thunder, no matter how hard you close your ears, the voices can still be heard. I am not going to sit down, I know, but there are times I just bend down on my knees and bleed. This are the times that I would bleed, and I was hoping, I will be able to stand up. But I'm not that weak person now.

I'm still standing up, not bleeding.

And I will make the voices dissappear.

buayas bash. yay.

2009-03-08T01:46:00.000+08:00

What’s more perfect than celebrating your birthday celebration with another two most important people in your life and the people you invited to the party are your girlfriends.
OH MY GOD. I AM SUPER EXCITED.
I love my buayas and I'm not lying.

Anyway, i'm currently involved in act 3 production and I'm not having any break. The only weekends I'm free this March is on the week when the party is happening, after that back to double responsibilities.

HELLO, LIFE!

kusut

2009-03-02T01:37:00.003+08:00

I tend to sleep later and later nowadays. I am not doing work at all. Sometimes I get so tensed, I feel it all up along my spine. I feel like i’m going to fall. When I sleep I don't want to wake up, and when i'm awake, i'd like not to sleep at all.
Tell me you love me, tell me you don’t. All I need is just to stay afloat.

If I really like him, why am I out with someone else?
But if he likes her, why is he clinging on to me?

no longer attached.

2009-03-01T22:36:00.001+08:00

How do you deal with relatives constantly nudging you about the progress of your relationship? Especially when it no longer is one. I hate avoiding social gatherings with the family because of these petty shits. Come on, give me a break.

Islamic Art

2009-02-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

To view more, click here!

Alhamdullilah. Everything is good although the process is quite a challenge.
I am so tired. I'm having a rest before starting on another project/assignments/production.

Mengagumi tanpa dicintai

2009-02-25T22:51:00.002+08:00

Jangan kau bimbang sayang
Di mana ku berada
Dengan siapa ku bersama
Jangan bimbang ku tetap kau yang punya

Complication in communication becomes confrontation.
Big mouths destroys reputation and kills motivation.

Left 4 Dead

2009-02-24T22:23:00.003+08:00

I am addicted to this awesome game!

Oh my god. It's been so long since I last got addicted to a game. The feeling just can't be explained through words. It's just...urm. orgasmic.. You've got to experience yourself to feel it.
Oooh la la~

lazy people annoys me.

2009-02-20T22:12:00.001+08:00

Some people can be very annoying.
Is it so hard to use your common sense to think of a simple thing to do?

God give you brains to think. You are just plain lazy to make use of God’s greatest gift to you.
Why are you wasting His time to spend it on you when you don’t even make full use of it?

You are wasting my breath. If killing isn’t a crime, I will be on a killing spree right now.

semester 2 is a killer!

2009-02-16T21:08:00.001+08:00

I have so many things to do at the moment. My to-do list is piling up and I don't even have a time for myself, what more spending my time with my girlfriends. I thank God that i'm single because having to take care of the man is another problem that I have to think of. I had a lovely dinner by the beach on the 14th which was really really sweet with Nizam and I didn't have the time to talk to him after that. I just quarelled with Fiz anyway and I don't care because I simply don't have the time to entertain his nonsense. I don't care if he thinks that I'm an ungrateful bitch because I rule the game whatever it takes. ;)

Urgh. Ok so why am I digressing?

Here are the things to do a. s. a. p:

Arts Management 1500 words essay;
Principle of Management essay;
Advertising;
Theatre Report;
Presentation on Roman Theatre;
Research on Islamic Art and pleaseeeeeeee think of a final product,
And film script to memorise!

Hopefully I’m able pull through all this soon! Minus my procrastination, that is.

a lot like love

2009-02-09T21:27:00.002+08:00

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

Never knowing
Shocking but we're nothing
We are just moments
We are clever but we are clueless
We are just human
Amusing but confusing
Helping, we're building
And we are growing
Never Know

angsty

2009-02-01T22:42:00.007+08:00

affronted, annoyed, antagonized, bitter, chafed, choleric, convulsed, cross, displeased, enraged, exacerbated, exasperated, fiery, fuming, furious, galled, hateful, heated, hot, huffy, ill-tempered, impassioned, incensed, indignant, inflamed, infuriated, irascible, irate, ireful, irritable, irritated, maddened, nettled, offended, outraged, piqued, provoked, raging, resentful, riled, sore, splenetic, storming, sullen, tumultous, turbulent, uptight, vexed, wrathful

the adam family

2009-02-01T19:47:00.005+08:00

DZUL FIKRI BIN ADAM, WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT IN YOUR THICK SKULL THAT IT'S OVER AND I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE! I'M SO DAMN TIRED TO KEEP REPEATING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO YOU AND YOUR PARENTS.

this shit is getting too unbearable.
i don't care if you or your family thinks that im rude because you all have no rights to take control of my life. and i'm not sorry.
NEVER. GODDAMMIT!

men suck.

2009-01-28T22:28:00.001+08:00

We've seen each other for three days straight. Now I'm worried.
How is this going to end? And do I really want this to go somewhere?

I think ....

I HAVE ISSUES.

Daniel said I always like some guy but then I don't ... I like the first few days of knowing someone and then I get bored.

I don't think commitment is for me. Maybe I did once upon a time when I was young and stupid. Now that I'm older and less stupid, I'm such a sceptic.

The guy that I'll hang on to is someone that I shouldn't be with.
They are either in a relationship or have to be out of Singapore for some reason.
Men suck. I hate them so much that I want to cut their balls and feed them to dogs.

Ah. HEAVEN.
o_0

like a bee.

2009-01-27T01:16:00.001+08:00

These past weeks have rocketed by at a speed that seemed so alien to me. So much so that I felt like I hadn't been doing anything meaningful, save for school wherein I had to do assignments than I would care to recall, until I took a breather and listed out what I had been doing. And then I marvel at the extent of which I'd accomplished since.

That's to say the least. I've been somewhat busy, somewhat occupied. But if you ask me, what am I so busy with? I really can't give a proper explanation. Some days are so heady and whirlwind-like; the adrenaline pumping and coursing through my veins inadvertently spill over even on the quieter times that I have to myself.

I feel socially disoriented at the moment. Being oblivious makes me less involved with drama and hypocrites, to say the least but it makes me lost. I can’t even make a distinction between real friends or two-faced bitches. Oh god. I need my girlfriends to keep me sane. But before that, I need time.

boo!

2009-01-13T00:31:00.001+08:00

My dazed thoughts are entwined with his mind-blowing voice and there's this silent comfort wrapping my heart in a cozy embrace.
There's something about the sparkling glint in his eye which brightens up my day.
There's just something about the airy, light breeze of euphoria that's practically bursting out of his perky laugh.

Since I am spending most of my time with him now, we'll see where this leads to.

So, if you've noticed, I have not updated since ages ago but i just have not been able to muster the mood to write.

I'm not sure how I feel about 2008. I had my break-up and a terrible accident.
I'm not one for resolutions, really, but let's just hope it'll be a year with less whining and complaints, less materialism. I shan't say anything about my procrastination tendencies because that can't clearly be helped. I'm hoping for something big in 2009. I could really use a change. I'm starting to get tired of all this.

The year 2008 opened my eyes to many things. I may not like every person that I know, but I do like observing people and that I think is what helped me see things I did not see before. 2008 was the toughest years to get through.
I want to say something insightful about 2008, but frankly I am lost for words.

It is a little daunting, but how else will I learn, right?