for the first time in a long while, I thought about you longer than just in passing and held onto the thoughts. it made me wish you were back in my life just for a day or maybe even a weekend.

We humans are often afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.

...there's no going back, and when you cant't go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward. The rest is up to Allah.

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say, find someone you can love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense in living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

"A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."
- Jean de La Fontaine

The greatest feeling in the world is to be around someone who wants to hold you, to kiss your forehead, and to be around you. Who wants to call you at night, to see you smile. But, what’s better than that is finding someone that does it all, because he wants to see you happy.

I have no patience for an insecure stranger who thinks that I am obligated to explain away her every insecurity. Especially since I have no idea who she is or what is going on in their lives.

Her boyfriend is just my past and haven't you heard? I don't lick my own spit. I clearly didn't make any move on him. Do yourself a favour and clarify everything with the people who are actually involved in this especially your own boyfriend.

I have better deals in hand and I don't need any advice from you.

Your insecurities makes you real ugly.

I don’t really believe in regrets. All my experiences.. even the ones that didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to, I firmly believe they were all worth it. There's answers to everything that happened. I don't have to ask why because I believe. It's just a matter of time.

You don't need me. You don't need anyone.
I'm not dealing with anything. No more commitments until I get the true one that I've always prayed for.

If I'm making you confused, so be it. Stop asking. I have no answers left to give out.
In fact, I still have questions of my life left unanswered. He decided to go on and I decided to move on.

The end. For good. For the first and last.

I try to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. I am afraid you don’t want me to say anything. So I don’t. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel like, how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. How I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart, locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too… but I’ll never know.

There are things that I want and certain of in life but only one person can fulfill it. There are also things that I want to eradicate and dispose out of my life and only one can do it.

I belong to no one else, but God and myself. I owe no explanation to anyone, but to God and myself. I can do anything, and only think about God and myself. This whole world belongs to God, and myself.

Tears are streaming down my face and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

From my Facebook Note:

I was fortunate enough to have met Yasmin Ahmad once. Her heart-warming films and ads never fail to touch my heart.

She won awards from all over the world but she doesn't believe in fame and living glamorously. She dares to bare her soul in all honesty for the world to see through her thought-provoking masterpieces.

She's my favourite storyteller, film-maker, an honest, kind-hearted individual. Yasmin Ahmad, may God bless your soul. I'm sure He will for all your benevolence and goodwill throughout your life. The industry has lost someone talented and one of a kind. I respect her boldness and the way she stood up for her truths and rights.

"What's makes a difference in one's masterpiece (especially arts in general like films, dance, poetry, fine arts, photography) is whether it says more than what you see, hear and feel..
If the piece speaks from the heart, it'll reach the heart and that's what's gonna matter."
- My favourite and inspiring quote from her.


By the grace of Allah who gave her the ability to write so many films and ads, may we all gain benefit from that legacy of her inspiring works she has left for us.

Ameen Ya Rabbal Al-Ameen.

My post on her 3 years ago! God granted my wishes.

All the time I've been contented and complete with my life until something conquer my being. That one thing turn my whole life completely. It's something I shouldn't be afraid of. Why? Why should I succumb to defeat and let it control my happiness? I can't cry anymore. I'm tired of all that.

I reckon this guy that I just knew thinks I'm sick and having a mental disorder for giving him the cold shoulders and initiate fights without reason. Me with my ridiculous fuss. I know you are laughing right now and cursing me “bitch!” under your breath because you know I'm not usually like that. I don't know why I'm behaving that way. I promise I'll be nice next time. If only there's next time.

Daniel was online right after that and he thinks I'm sadist. I was about to defend myself until he said "I'm your ex-boyfriend and I've been with you since your teen years although we are far apart! I know you wawa so shut up!" How pleasant. We chatted and I laugh hysterically over our silly conversations until Subuh and Ibu thinks I'm possessed by the morning jin and suggested to perform my prayers first. I can't help it but feel really good at this hour. I miss the guy who made me feel that way. I miss Dzulfikri Adam.

Okay I know girlfriends, I see that face bouncing off your computer screen. Urgh.

There are some things which are surmountable and some that are not. Isn't it strange that what some of us perceive as difficult and impossible, others perceive it as simple or character-building, or valorous. I wonder where do these perceptions come from.

Walker Evans Truck And Sign, 1930

I didn't realize how much I really miss you until we met few days ago. I wish you are not hers and I wish we can still pick up all the pieces that's been lying everywhere. All these are just against my will. I can keep on dreaming. But all I need from you is just one, I'm hoping we can be good friends like how we were back then. I miss you. I really do.

For the past months, i've witnessed a few incidents relating to death before my eyes. It all happened in an instant. I can feel that death is getting closer to me. Allah is telling me something, to be near Him. I'm sorry for not talking to you as often now. Subhanallah.

What we call the beginning is often the end and to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.

ANISAH

My first attempt acting in a film. Now I know how it feels like watching yourself on the screen trying to be someone you are not. I cringe and I kept on laughing at myself. Although I didn't find my acting anywhere near amusing, a well-deserved thumbs up to the producer and director, Nasuha and Fanah that makes 'Anisah' looks perfect. One of my proudest achievements so far. I didn't expect to get this big opportunity to act in a short film. A heartiest thank you to my lecturer, Nasuha and Fanah. My praises to Allah. This is just the beginning. Insya'allah.